Today is Wednesday the 31st, making tomorrow the first day of a new month. July has felt like the longest month I have ever had! Waiting for Thailand took its toll and the endless to-do list became a chore - since arriving in Thailand, the days have become longer with the early starts and every hour brings a new experience, big or small. The constant battle with language is actually quite draining, much more so than I thought it would be. This, along with 5/6am wake up calls and no recovery time makes for a very sleepy Teacher Faah by 9pm. August is finally here- who knows what this month will bring?
I wanted to share my unusually bizarre evening. I was told there was going to be a party afterschool as one of the teachers is leaving - main point being that I couldn't put a face to a name, so I assumed it was one of the older teachers as I knew she had a name beginning with S. I had to write a message on a giant piece of paper with 2 anime style thai children drawn on either side - I could have written anything and they wouldn't have a clue so I went with a civilised "Good luck and best wishes from England". It wasn't until about half way through the party that I clocked I was completely wrong and it was a different teacher leaving.. Whoops. I've taught with her twice, both times with an assistant (the one I thought was leaving) who doesn't speak a single word of English. I am wondering what the immanent plan is for how the younger kids will be taught English altogether (after an hour I established that the fruit "grapes" is impossible to teach kids of 4 years old and ended up applauding their efforts of any attempt with any of the letters in the word, even a "ssss" received a cheery well done and thumbs up).
Back to this evening.. After twiddling my thumbs (recent hobby) for a good few hours since I finish class at 2.30pm, I found myself placed next to a monk. I felt like I was sitting next to some kind of celebrity and kept stealing glances at him at every opportune moment, especially since earlier today I had read up on the 227 "rules" monks live by (mostly about robes and rice) that fascinated me but left me wondering how, exactly, one functions as a monk. I have seen this monk before as he lives next to the school, unfortunately he has one of those faces that looks as if he has killed or is about to kill
someone which I find mildly amusing and ironic. I can happily say I had my first interaction with him as one of the school dogs came and sat between us, making use of the ceiling fans. The monk was trying to usher the dog away and I pointed at the fan and said "hot dog!" and put on a great charades of being hot and smiled and it was a magical moment I will cherish.
By 5pm I was taken to sit at the table with a view of a giant fried fish and was given egg fried rice and pineapple, before everyone else ate. Slowly people began arriving into this hall where 3 tables were set up, each complete with a bottle of whiskey, water and some fizzy drink. I spied green fanta on another table that I tasted and hope to never taste again.. I still don't know what it was but it had the aftertaste of soap. Most were drinking whiskey mixed just with soda water, others opted for whiskey with fanta.. Can't say ive heard of this combination, perhaps ill test it out when on UK soil. Either way, all of the teachers and all of the village that seemed to arrive were drinking. From nowhere I was given a coconut with a straw to drink from - think I got the best deal.
All day it has be incredibly hot and the sun has been shining, but during the party suddenly it started hammering down and it never stopped.
**** insert anecdotal story **** my mentor, another teacher and I were driving back late at the night the other weekend when the heavens opened Thai-style. It was pitch black and hard to see but suddenly a commotion occurred and we pulled over the side of the road, my mentor hopped out to the middle of the road, came back into the car holding a rather large tortoise! They were both very concerned for the safety of the tortoise, so my mentor sat in the back holding it for the further 45 minute drive back to her house where she gave it to her neighbour to put in the river. Bizarre!!! I have a photo to prove it!
Once I had eaten, they set up a screen and a few teachers went up and did a speech, a speech that I had to smile dumbly through and match my laughing to everyone else's and time my applaud correctly.. My friend the monk went up and handed something to the kneeling teacher who was leaving, I don't know what it was but it must have been quite a big deal as so many photos were taken. The monk then seemed to disappear and the director took his place. He said something and again more photos were taken, when I noticed the director was tearing up with a wobbly lip and red eyes! I have to admit it was quite funny to see this tiny Thai stern man so emotional, he had to walk off crying with tissues. That set it all off - every teacher was crying! We were all given a rosé to go and hand to the teacher. It was awkward as I didn't know when I was supposed to be going up but eventually was pushed up and had to wind my way between crying faces to the front of the hall to give her this rose. I actually felt a little emotional myself, something about being in a room full of tears or perhaps like when a baby sees another baby crying and starts mimicking the crying themselves.. Either way, I gave the rose and then had to endure standing on the outside of a semi circle of teachers singing what sounded like a very slow, sad song. I didn't know what to do as I couldn't leave so I just stood there with a neutral smile whilst every teacher was belting their lungs out and crying their eyes out. When it was over I breathed a sigh of relief and sat down.
Suddenly karaoke or "KaraOK" as it was written on screen, was in full force with the art teacher singing many songs and the music teacher, too. I must insert that at this point the room was full and I was constantly being pointed at and talked about - my cheeks and jaw began to ache from the smile I had glued to my face to get through the night! A man I've seen around school kept asking me to sing a song, sing a song! I kept saying no no no no no no, but he was so persistent, them they all started asking me. I protested, until suddenly I was grabbed by arm and forced to go up to the front with the director to sing a song. But first they made me introduce myself with the mic.. Didn't know what to say but managed to sneak in that it was my birthday just gone and they all broke into s chorus of happy birthday! The director then made me sing a song I've never heard of in my life, he gave me a microphone and there were words on big screen I had to 'sing' along to - I think I laughed more than sang and every time I caught someone's eye they were either pointing or laughing at me! I definitely felt like the clown. Once my ordeal was over, I was then made to dance with some of the others. Yes. Dance. To strange thai music that wasn't exactly dancey.. More smiling and laughing commenced from myself and there was 1 teacher who probably drank a bit too much whiskey and fanta and was dancing like a crazy person, which is when I broke into my classic dance moves of holding your nose with one hand and waving the other in the air as well as a few grease lightning style moves. There was an uproar of laughter but I figured if you can't beat them, join them, so I became an actual clown temporarily. When a few songs finished I practically ran back to sit at my table, where I found everyone was still eating cold fried fish..
One of the teachers husbands sat opposite me and was incredibly worried about me not drinking my fanta (this was after I had drank green fanta, water, a whole coconut and orange fanta - I also hadn't been able to relieve myself due to downpour of rain and toilets far far away). He made a big effort to walk around the table and try to mime "cheers" and then taking a drink together like a celebration, in an effort to make me drink. I played along at first but then I really was bursting and couldn't consume any more liquid, TMI but its the truth! He continued to do this whilst trying to communicate to me in Thai several occasions and it started to just make me feel very uncomfortable, I was practically shouting "Mai chai!" at this man but of course sustained a big grin in doing so (an art I have perfected). I was then made to dance again, this time the "sing a song" man insisted on trying to dance with me, although Im not sure you could call it dancing.. I tried to avoid eye contact and in doing so caught everyone else having a great time laughing at my blatant uncomfortable-ness!!
All the teachers were very loud and I didn't understand 99.9% of the evening (unless you count where it says "street of Thailand, plan of life" in a big poster hanging at the front but the lack of coherence in this trying-to-be-profound poster in English just made me irritated). This left for a lot of time to observe. However, I clearly missed something as it was reaching 8.30pm and all I could think about was going back to get into bed and eat Tim Tams (Australian chocolates like penguin bars) when suddenly the "cheers!" Man went over to the "sing a song" man and was massaging his back and a crowd forming around him. It wasn't until he got up that it clicked - this man is the next down from Director of the school and was absolutely wasted. He had to be carried out and lost the use of his legs. Everyone looked very serious and worried about him, but again my sympathy failed me and I found it quite funny that this highly respected man had drank so much alcohol he had to be assisted and continued to throw up outside. I tried to catch the eyes of others to gain mutual "isn't this a funny situation!?" Looks but failed. I was then very quickly escorted into a teachers car and driven back at top speed without a single goodbye. And that was the end of that!
I got my Tim Tams and slept deeply with the knowledge of more amusing tales under my belt.
